Marriage advice from a newly married couple

My wife and I are celebrating 30 years of marriage today (hooray!)
It’s hard to believe how quickly it has gone by and how much you we are still enjoying each other.
Recently, we agreed to help out in our church with pre-marital counseling.   It is  exciting just thinking about coming along side some couples as they look to begin a new life together.
So, the other day when my daughter and her husband came over to hang out (they’ve been married 1 -1/2 years), it seemed like a great opportunity to benefit from their reflections on their time in marriage and to glean from lessons they have learned.    Here are their insightful thoughts:
For her:
* release expectations  (you have more of them than you think)
– you can’t check off your marriage (it is never completed, you always have to work at it)
– don’t go off on your feelings as often, but pursue truth
* find a friend you can talk with who will remind you of truth and perspective
* women, you make a lousy Holy Spirit (let God be God in working on your husband (and you)
* we want to fix and nag the husband to do more (let up and give him time)
* time is your friend  (your first fight doesn’t mean you will divorce or that it will be like this forever)–give the relationship much time and hope
* read “When sinners say I do” by Dave Harvey
For him:
* always stay on your toes (marriage takes effort, keeping thinking of putting the other person first)
* continue to date
* be clear on expectations on the roles in the relationship, then adjust
* put things into perspective (1 or 2 tough times in your marriage are relatively minimal compared to the many, many meaningful times)
* don’t let “the thing” fester  (if you have issues that are troubling you about your spouse or the relationship, get them out in the open,,,don’t let them build up)
* men shouldn’t be so defensive or sensitive to comments, even criticisms the spouse may give–guys, man up!

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