the REAL you and the ROLE you


For some of us, our identity is so wrapped up in our work that we cause our self harm by this misunderstanding.  I came across this excerpt  from “The Sandler Rules” by David Mattson about this very topic that I found to be very helpful, and I hope you do, as well:


“When you fail to accomplish something, YOU are not a failure.   You–a person with intrinsic worth –did not fail.  Instead, it was your attempt-your action plan, strategy,  or technique-that failed.   There is a difference  between the REAL you and the ROLE you.

The REAL you  is defined by your  self-identity…your sense of self-worth.

The ROLE you is defined by your performance  in a role–brother, sister, spouse, parent, little league coach, or salesperson………

You must learn NOT to take role-failures personally.   An unsuccessful  attempt to obtain  an appointment or close a sale is just that–an unsuccessful attempt.    It has nothing to do with your personal worth. Your personal  worth is still intact.”





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